The Finding Peace Podcast

We were stuck on a cliff and going to die!

I am standing over a cliff looking straight down. The bottom is about 50 feet below me.  The ledge I am are standing on is about 15 feet wide.  There is water coming out the side of the rock and so the ground is covered with mushy moss.  Behind me, there is another cliff, the one I had just climbed down from.  It is about 10 feet high.  I am standing there with my friend Matt.  We are stuck. How in the world did we even get int his mess?
This episode explores what is not helpful when we find ourselves stuck on the cliffs of life and what we can do instead.  Troy explores the quote in As a Man Thinketh by James Allen, “A man only begins to be a man when he ceases to whine and revile and commences to search for the hidden justice which regulates his life. And he adapts his mind to that regulating factor, he ceases to accuse others as the cause of his condition, and builds himself up in strong and noble thoughts; ceases to kick against circumstances, but begins to use them as aids to his more rapid progress, and as a means of the hidden powers and possibilities within himself.”
Toni asks a question about how codependency is related to childhood trauma.
 
Free Resources on Prodependence can be found at https://sexandrelationshiphealing.com/your-own-sexual-behavior/weekly-webinars/prodependence-betrayed-partner-group/ or
https://sexandrelationshiphealing.com/your-own-sexual-behavior/weekly-webinars/mens-prodependence-partner-group/
or
https://sexandrelationshiphealing.com/your-own-sexual-behavior/weekly-webinars/prodependence/
 
Send your questions to troy@troyllove.com
 

I am Afraid of Heights

1: 26 I am standing on the top of the high dive?  In what scenario did I ever think this would be a good idea?
 
3:00 I am afraid of heights.
 
3:42 Someone sees me on the high dive
 
4:20 John Eldredge has said, “Even if he can’t quite put it into words, every man is haunted by the question, "Do I have what it takes?”
 
5:25  The shadows of shame show up.
 
6:36 The core emotion I faced standing on the diving board was fear.   
 
6:54 Faith is the antidote to fear.
 
8:00 - The Pain and Peace Conundrum
 
10:35 - Having people believe in us can strengthen our own faith
 
10:46 - Q&A
 
This podcast is sponsored by the Finding Peace Retreat.
The Finding Peace Retreat is a 4-day, intensive, experiential training based on the Amazon Best-Selling Book, Finding Peace.
 
The weekend creates a place of healing for individuals with past wounds of loss, rejection, neglect, abandonment, betrayal, and abuse who are looking for greater joy, happier relationships, and deeper fulfillment in their lives.
Whether you’re just becoming aware of how these wounds have impacted your life or are exhausted with the constant cycle of trying to do your best and still feeling like a failure, the Finding Peace Retreat will give you the skills to heal from the past, change the internal negative messages that drive feelings of shame, and develop mindful, compassionate habits leading to greater contentment and peace.
Discover your truth! Connect with your inner light that ignites your power, connection, and purpose.
For more information go to: https://www.findingpeaceacademy.com/finding-peace-retreat
 

If You Have Been Criticized, Listen to This!

This episode explores what happens when a rejection wound is smacked and what can be done about it.
 
0:32 - I am standing in the small break room in one of the buildings of our local community college. I am grabbing a bottle of water and relieved because the presentation I had just done on helping individuals who self-harm was over. I was silently expressing gratitude that it was finished when the secretary brought in the participant reviews.
2:48  - Read a very harsh evaluation that smacks up against my rejection wound
 
4:40 - A flashback to my professor in the final class of my BSW program come to the surface
 
7:16 - How my  attachment wounds and the negative core messages invited my shadows of shame to show up
 
10:05 - What I do with this evaluation
 
14:15 - What you can do when your wound of rejection is smacked
 
 
If you would like to learn more about how to Find Peace in your life, you can read the book, Finding Peace, Sign up for the online Finding Peace Course, or attend our upcoming Finding Peace Retreat.
 

This Man Was Transformed.

In this episode, Philip Sustar shares his recovery story. He also attended the 2nd Finding Peace Retreat last April.  
Philip is a redeemed messy, follower of Jesus.  Though he was born in the church, exposure to pornography at a very young age and other major traumatic life events, for close to 40 years left him feeling damaged and broken.  Since 2014, he has felt called to help other men find the freedom he has experienced in a Christ-centered journey of sexual integrity and proclaim hope of a better life away from the despair of sexual brokenness Philip is certified as a Sexual Addiction Treatment Professional (SATP) and Experiential Specialist. He also has a Master's Degree in Discipleship and Christian Formation from Church of God's School of Theology. 
0.44 – Meet Philip Sustar…..
1:42 – Philip begins his story and identifies his first attachment wounds: Loss and Abandonment when his father passed away.
2:48 – Philip shares his associated negative core belief with Loss and Abandonment, particularly around men.  He identifies that these negative core beliefs still affect him today even though the wounds occurred at such a young age.
3:36 – Philip is exposed to pornography at the age of 7. With no-one around to help him process the experience, he quickly identified a numbing tool to deal with his attachment wounds.
6:04 – Philip recognized that sex had become his primary coping tool. He realizes now that he was actually craving emotional connection, but his numbing behaviors were simply a counterfeit for the real thing.
7:50 – Philip shares that his first marriage didn’t last. His sexual numbing behaviors had a direct impact on the marriage.  He recognized the progression of his addictive behaviors and saw the path didn’t have a good outcome unless he changed some things in his life.
9:42 – Philip shares how joining a group changed the trajectory of his life. He shares how he had to confront shame with courage.
11:38 – Philip shares one his triggers and recognized it wasn’t the surface level temptations, but deeper emotional struggles. He identified more negative core beliefs that had been tattooed on his heart.
13:44 –Philip shared how he became familiar with the Finding Peace Retreat. He discussed his plan to do a deeper dive in the work, but also admitted that going to the retreat was his way of kicking himself in the pants to actually do the healing work he knew he needed.
15:50 – Philip shared one of the biggest impacts of the Finding Peace retreat. He identified that having women on the retreat helped him be able to process some of his woundedness around women, particularly with the wound of rejection.  There was a discussion about how beneficial it has been to keep the retreat co-ed for both male and female participants.
20:45 – Philip identified what changed about him after coming home from the retreat. He shared that learning the perspective of Attachment wounds went a long way to understand his own behaviors and the behaviors of others.  He also shared that the retreat introduced him to the Shadows of Shame that have been trying to negatively affect him and distract. 
The Finding Peace Retreat is a four-day event starting on a Thursday and ending on a Sunday. It is held in Prescott, AZ (1.5 hours north of Phoenix). The retreat is life-changing.   More information can be found at https://www.findingpeaceacademy.com/finding-peace-retreat
 
 

If You Ever Wondered, "What are Attachment Wounds?" Listen to This!

In this episode, Troy introduces the concept of Attachment Wounds by sharing his own story including how he battled addiction and shame.  He shares how his wounds of abandonment, loss, and rejection were created along with how he learned tools to perform wound care and begin the healing process.
In this episode, Troy does discuss some topics that may not be appropriate for younger children, however, he does not go into explicit detail.
If you would like a free copy of Troy's Amazon Best-Selling book, The Art of Peace, go to www.troyllove.com 

Attachment Angels

Sue Johnson identified the ways that we are able to move forward and face the world is through having secure attachments. For many of us, growing up, some of those secure attachments were broken or damaged in one way or another leading us to experience attachable such as loss, projection, abandonment, betrayal, neglect, or abuse. It is easy to remember all of the hard and difficult times lives, but healing often occurs when we shift our perspective. One of the tools of trauma recovery is identifying Attachment Angels from our past. Attachment Angels are individuals who have provided unconditional love and support to us, especially during times of trial or difficulty.
It can be an act of gratitude and appreciation to reflect upon who in your life has been an Attachment Angel. How have those individuals blessed your life?
In this episode of the finding peace podcast, I explore one of my attachment Angels and the blessing that she has been in my life. I would love to hear your comments about who has blessed you in your life and the difference these people have made for you and your future.
For more information of healing from Attachment Wounds, go to www.troyllove.com or www.findingpeaceacademy.com
 

The Runner Waved at Me... and This Happened....

Have you ever pondered on the effect of the negative core beliefs written on your heart?  Usually, our negative messages begin to be written when we are young. Once written, we continue to seek "evidence" to support the belief, often to our own detriment. These negative messages fuel our perception and taint the way we interact with others.  They also provide the foundation for what our Shadows of Shame amplify. 
The good news is that negative core messages can be written and when they do, a whole new world opens up to us.  In this episode, Troy discusses one of the most permeating negative core messages he carried for most of his life and how his perception changes when the negative core message is rewritten.
For more information on how to rewrite negative core beliefs using the Finding Peace Model, go to www.troyllove.com or www.findingpeaceacademy.com

Lightening the Load

Three of the boys on the backpacking trip had to go back the first day because their loads were too heavy. What happened next taught me a great lesson.
 
 

finding-peace-in-the-great-outdoors

Spending time Outdoors changes our thought patterns and helps us get grounded. When was the last time you were able to spend time Outdoors?

Dealing with Suicidal Ideation

Completed Suicides have increased by 30% since 1999.  Suicide is among the top 3 causes of death for teens. First Responders are more likely to die by suicide than in a line of duty. 
Pain and shame are two of the biggest drivers of suicide. Often the suicidal person is just wanting the pain to stop or they fear that things are never going to get better.  Shame conveys a sense of unworthiness and hopeless.  Especially if they have made a mistake, they believe that they are never going to get past the mistake.  
Warning signs include:
Talking about wanting to die
Searching for a way to kill themselves
Feeling hopeless
Feeling trapped or in unbearable pain
Talking about being a burden to others
Increasing use of alcohol or drugs
Acting anxious or agitated, or behaving recklessly
Changes in sleep patterns
Withdrawing or isolating
Showing rage or talking about seeking revenge
Having extreme mood swings
 
But there is hope.  There is a way out of the darkness.  
Here are some resources for suicidal ideation:
https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/
https://www.thetrevorproject.org/resources/preventing-suicide/facts-about-suicide/